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September 2, 2021 - Trust

Experiences with awe change us. They cause us to ask questions and move us to learn. Awe is full of paradoxes. It invokes vastness and makes us feel small—we are nothing compared to God. At the same time, awe makes us feel God’s power and love—we mean everything to God.

John B. Bingham, "In Awe: The Astonishing Goodness of God", BYU Speeches, August 3, 2021

I went through a very eye opening experience today. I went to do a Urodynamics bladder test for some kidney issues I've been going through. I had no idea what this test was as my itinery just said "Testing Visit". I will not tell you anything about the test but I am glad I didn't know beforehand what it was. I will tell you, though, what came to mind during this test.

I had two thoughts. One, was that I understood a bit about what it means to truly submit and trust, and I actually had the thought that this test will eventually be over so I just need to go with it and grit my teeth if I need to. And then I thought about how this entire life will also eventually be over. I realized that all the pain, all the uncomfort, all the awkwardness, all the shame, all the embarrassment will not last forever. Christ can and will remove that now if we ask Him for help, or after this life.

And, two, was I thought about how this life is only a mere blip on the eternal road map to life with Heavenly Father. It's so amazing to me that I can worry so much about something, I can dread going through something, I can even fear living through something, I can be so anxious about something, but that it will come and then be gone, just like that. So all my worry, and dread, and fear, and anxiety are suddenly gone. And I look back and feel a bit foolish for having felt that way in the first place. However, in the moment, those feelings were real to me.

Through this little, silly experience, I learned about what it means to trust God more. Trust Him to know that I do not need to worry, or dread, or fear, or be anxious because one day it will be over. And then I'll look back and realize that I didn't need to be so apprehensive and afraid in the first place, God was with me the entire time.

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