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May 29, 2020 - Falling on my face

The first thing to be said of this feeling of inadequacy is that it is normal. There is no way the Church can honestly describe where we must yet go and what we must yet do without creating a sense of immense distance. Following celestial road signs while in telestial traffic jams is not easy, especially when we are not just moving next door—or even across town....
Thus the feelings of inadequacy are common. So are the feelings of fatigue;
Some of us who would not chastise a neighbor for his frailties have a field day with our own. Some of us stand before no more harsh a judge than ourselves, a judge who stubbornly refuses to admit much happy evidence and who cares nothing for due process. Fortunately, the Lord loves us more than we love ourselves.

Elder Neil A. Maxwell, "Notwithstanding My Weakness", Ensign, November 1976

It's interesting that I don't often judge others of their actions but I am so hard on myself for the actions that I take. Why is that? When Jesus said "judge not", He was also talking about judging ourselves. For some reason, I tend to think it's okay to judge myself but not others.

We all fall short of expectations, whether our own or someone else's. I definitely fall short, especially of my own expectations. But, there is One, who knows all, completely everything, and knows that I do and will fall short, and knows how I will fall short even before I do it.

I can't fathom that. He knows the good and bad that I do even before I do it. If He knows the bad that I do, or will do, isn't that like Him lowering expectations? It is in my finite mind anyway. If I think that I will fall when a certain trigger happens, isn't that like a self fulfilling prophecy when I do fall? Isn't that like focusing so much on avoiding to do something wrong that you end up doing it anyway?

My mortal mind is very limited but God's is infinite. His thinking is not my thinking. He never lowers expectations to meet my ability or capability. Rather, He raises my ability and capability to meet His expectations of me. He sees me for the person I can be, not for who I am now. He never focuses on the negative. He gets disappointed when I fall, but He is eternally optimistic and positive.

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