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June 21, 2021 - Don't Let Go

God had created me with two hands, each capable of holding something at the same time. Spiritually speaking, just because I had “picked up” a doubt or question in one hand didn’t mean that I had to let go of all the gospel truths I held in my other hand. It often felt like I was metaphorically holding on to the iron rod and pressing forward while dragging these questions behind me. But I didn’t really see an alternative. I didn’t want to ignore the questions I had, and I also couldn’t deny the spiritual truths I already knew. So, although it was exhausting, I found ways to honor both parts of my feelings.

Marissa Widdison, "Grappling with Unanswered Gospel Questions", Liahona, January 2021

There are many doubts in this life. There are many questions. Every one of us has them from time to time. I definitely have many questions as to why certain things happened the way they did. Or why certain things didn't happen the way I thought they should've happened.

Two things about this, in my mind. One... my ways ARE NOT God's ways. He is so, so far ahead of me in wisdom, smarts and sense. I mean, I'm not even a drop of water in His huge ocean of knowledge. So for me to even assume I know how this or that should've happened or how it should happen is utterly ridiculous. It just doesn't make any sense. It's like trying to stay dry while immersing yourself in water. So, why not just trust Him?

And, two, I have been given so much to let it all just whither away because of one thing I may not agree with. To me, doing that is more of an excuse to no longer have to put in the effort to keep going than it is to just own up to it. It's very much like faking an injury in sports to avoid the embarrassment of having done something foolish or having made a mistake... as if the mistake was only made because you injured yourself....if that makes sense. For example, I didn't catch that touchdown pass because my arms fell off. Sounds nonsensical, but sometimes we all do that. We don't want others to know why this or that happened, so we make up an excuse. And sometimes that excuse involves walking away from the truth because appearances outweigh it.

Heavenly Father cannot be fooled or tricked though. He doesn't just see how and what things appear to be. He sees our intents and desires. He knows us better than we know ourselves.

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