“My beloved brothers and sisters, I testify that forgiving and forsaking offenses, old or new, is central to the grandeur of the Atonement of Jesus Christ. I testify that ultimately such spiritual repair can come only from our divine Redeemer, He who rushes to our aid ‘with healing in his wings’ (Malachi 4:2). We thank Him, and our Heavenly Father who sent Him, that renewal and rebirth, a future free from old sorrows and past mistakes, are not only possible, but they have already been purchased, paid for, at an excruciating cost symbolized by the blood of the Lamb who shed it”
Elder Jeffrey R. Holland, “The Ministry of Reconciliation”, Ensign, November 2018
One of the toughest things that has plagued me in my life, has been my inability to forgive myself… completely. When I finally arrive at some semblance of forgiveness and trust in myself, it’s not even 100%. I don’t think if it ever will be complete and total in this life because I am mortal. For one, I have the spiritual capacity of a dingus when compared to Heavenly Father. I am constantly stumbling and doing things that require forgiveness, on a daily basis, from others or from myself, so, I know I will stumble again. That is a constant in my life. And, two, I have tendencies and desires because, again, I am mortal and subject to temptation. Therefore, I don’t completely trust myself.
Think about this a second…I know me because I am me. I can’t see me as others see me. I only know me. And I only know me because of what my perception, the perception of others of me, past experiences, and my finite mind has taught me to know about me. I see me in the first person because I am that person. Only I know exactly how I am, how I feel, how I behave. I can’t explain to another adequately enough with any complete accuracy of who I am or how I feel. I can, however, explain it so they have an idea, but they will never truly know unless they become me.
I know me better than any one else in this world knows me. But…there is One who knows me even better than I know myself. I know me in the first person, but He knows me even before I was a person. He knows my spirit, my mortal self, even my soul. He knows my potential, my character, my tendencies. He knows who I can be. He’s known me for eons.
So I need to learn better to trust Him. Not put trust in the arm of flesh. When I don’t trust Him, I am trusting the arm of flesh instead. There is no middle ground. So, learning to forgive myself, along with forgiving others, opens up the channel wider for personal revelation and the Spirit.